[ Top | Categories | Archive | Subscribe | Contribute | JokeMaster | DreamHost ]

For more great Funny Bone humor...
be sure to SUBSCRIBE to one of the FREE mailing lists!

One day, little Tommy wanders into the local brothel, dragging a dead
frog on a piece of string along behind him (FX: thud thud thud etc.)  He
goes up to the woman at the front and says "Please, Miss, I'd like a girl
please." "Go home, sonny" replies the proprietor, not unkindly, "you're
too young yet for this."
 
Tommy reaches into his pocket and drags out a £50 note which he slaps on
the desk and beams brightly.
"Up the stairs, 3rd door on the right" comes the reply as the £50
vanishes.
 
Tommy starts to climb the stairs, (Thud thud etc.) when he runs back
again. "I forgot, this girl has got to have active herpes!" he cries.
"No way kid, all our girls are clean!"
Tommy reaches into the other pocket and another £50 appears.  "Ahh, last
door on the left..." he is told.
 
Tommy climbs the stairs, still dragging the dead frog on the string (thud
thud thud), and some time later reappears.  He waves to the woman at the
front desk and is about to go out (avec frog) when she calls him back.
 
"I can understand curiosity at your age," she says, "but why the active
herpes?"
 
"Well," says Tommy, "when I go home, the babysitter will be there.  I'll
screw her before she goes home and she'll get the herpes.  Later on,
dad'll take her home and have her in the back of the Mercedes, and he'll
get the herpes.  Later on, he'll get back and jump on mummy and she will
get the herpes too.  In the morning, daddy'll go to work, the milkman
will come and get in bed with mummy and he'll get the herpes and HE'S THE
BASTARD WHO RAN OVER MY FROG!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a Homosexual, a Scotsman, and a Jew. While they
were in the pub one night, a fairy godmother came down and said:
"You will all become millionaires if you give up the one thing you desire
most"

JEW: "I'll give up saving!"
Homo: "I'll give up little boys!"
SCOT: "I'll give up drinking!"
 
The next day they were walking down the road when the scot said:
"Christ I need a drink!" at this point he entered the pub and evaporated.
Half an hour later the Jew saw a 5 pound note on the pavement.
He couldn't resist it and bent over to pick it up.
The Homo DISAPPEARED.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pa was going to teach Billy how to pee standing up so he takes Billy
to the outhouse and says.."Now Billy, its very simple.  One, you take out
your thing, two you pull back your foreskin, three you pee, four you
push back your foreskin, five you put your think away.  Now you try
it boy, I'm going to milk the cows."  After about an hour, Ma comes
running up to Pa and says "Oh Pa, somethings wrong with Billy!"
"What's the matter?" Pa asks. "Well", Ma says, "he's locked himself in
the outhouse and he's been there over half an hour!"  "Ah Ma", says Pa,
"he's probably doing his business."  "I don't think so," says Ma, "he
keeps saying 'Two, Four, Two, Four, Two...'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man came home from work early one day in the mood to make love. As he
walks in the door with that 'look' in his eyes his wife goes, ' uh-huh I
can't, I have to go to the doctor for my annual pap smear'. He stops to
think about it for a second then he says, 'You don't have to go to the
dentist too, do you?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One ovarie says to the other ovarie, "Hey, did you order any furniture?"
The other ovarie says, "No, why?"
"There's a couple of nuts outside trying to shove an organ in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the difference between a paycheck and a penis?
A: You can always find a girl you'll blow your paycheck for you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Q: What's worse than lipstick on you collar?
A: Leg makeup on your ears.