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An Eastern newspaper correspondent had just arrived in an old Western
town when he noticed a curious lack of women. Walking into the local saloon
he asked a local, "What do you fellas do around here for entertainment?"
"Ya mean women?" asked the local yokel. "We ain't got none. 'Round here
folks fuck sheep."
"That's disgusting," cried the correspondent, "I've never heard of such
moral degredation."
However, after a few months, the correspondent's rocks were beginning to
ache and the sheep were looking more and more attractive.
So he finally went out and found himself a comely sheep, brought her back
to his room, shampooed her and then tied ribbons in her hair. After a
bottle of champagne, he lured the sheep into his bedchamber and released
his pent-up frustrations.
Afterward, he escorted his four-legged lover to the saloon for a drink. As
the correspondent and his wooly mate entered, a hush fell over the
patrons and the anxious couple became the object of many stares.
"You goddamn bunch of hypocrites!" the reporter yelled. "You've been
fucking sheep for years, but when I do it up right you look at me like
I'm some sort of crazy pervert!"
One cowboy in the back of the crowd spoke up, "Yeah, but that's the
sheriff's gal!"
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A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name
tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while
the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica
the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a
Jamaican man who also had a W Y  on his penis.  The American said to him
"Oh is your girl named Wendy too?" The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says
Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day".
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THE BIRTH OF A CANDY BAR
 
One Payday Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit O'Honey so he took Miss Hershey back in
the Power house on the corner of Clark & Fifth Ave.  He began to feel her
Mounds and that was sure Almond Joy which made his Tootsie Roll.  He let out
a Snicker and his Butterfingers went up her Kit Kat and caused a Milky Way.
 She screamed "O Henry" and squeezed his Zagnuts.  Miss Hershey said you were
even better than the Three Musketeers.  Soon she was a bit Chunky.  Nine
months later she had a Baby Ruth.
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When President Clinton was going to give his state of the union address
the other night, there was so much coverage of the OJ trial, that in
order to get the media's attention, he had Al Gore drive him to the
senate in a white ford bronco.
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The recently married couple split up shortly after the wedding. The trouble
started when the husband arrived home from work and found his new wife lying
naked on the couch.
"What's for dinner?" he asked.
"Pussy," she replied.
"Damn," the husband spat. "That's what I had for lunch."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man lay spread out over three seats in the second row of a
movie theatre.   As he lay there breathing heavily, an usher came over
and said, "That's very rude of you, sir, taking up three seats.  Didn't
you learn any manners?  Where did you come from?"
 
The man looked up helplessly and said, "The balcony!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A. National Dyslexics Association.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Think twice before you speak - and you'll find everyone talking about
something else.