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A missionary was placed at a very remote village in Africa.  He was the only
white man for many, many miles.  When an albino child was born in the
village, everyone suspected the missionary.  The chief called the man into
his hut to discuss the event.  Try as he might, the missionary was unable to
explain the concept of an albino as a genetic mistake.  Finally he saw a
flock of white sheep and a single black lamb grazing in a meadow.  He pointed
to the flock and said "See how a flock of white sheep can have a lamb of a
different color?"
 
The chief nodded knowingly and said "I understand.  If you won't tell, I
won't tell."
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Yugo: The car that goes from 0 to 4 in 60 seconds

Yugo is improving the anti-theft device of their cars:  making the "Yugo"
on the car bigger

I parked my Yugo in a bad neighborhood.  When I came back, two thugs were
installing a radio.

Q: What do you call a Yugo on top of a hill?
A: Unusual

Q: What do you call two Yugos on top of a hill?
A: A bloody miracle.

Did you hear about the new yugo with the rear window defrost?
It's to keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.
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Papa Mole, Moma Mole, and Baby Mole are in their nest. Papa Mole runs up
the tunnel and sticks his nose out the entrance and says " I smell
pancakes". Moma mole runs up the tunnel, sticks her nose out of the
entrance and says " I smell pancakes". Baby mole runs up the tunnel and
says " All I smell is Molasses".
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This guy went to the jungle to study cannibals. He went to the meat market
to buy a human brain. In the case there was the american brain$5.00 dollars,
the french brain 5.50, the polish brain $150. They guy asked the butcher why
the polish brain was so expensive. The butcher said," Beacause you have to
kill 100 of them to get one brain.
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Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the
courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to hide the bodies of
the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
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Two nuns cycling along a cobbled street.

1st nun: "I've never come this way before"
2nd nun: Me neither, must be the cobbles"
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Did you hear? The United States has banned laboratory testing on white
rats.  From now on we're going to use lawyers for three reasons:

1.)  There are more lawyers in the U.S. than white rats.
2.)  People can actually become emotionally attached to white rats.
3.)  Let's face it:There are some things a white rat won't do!
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Q: How can you tell the difference between a dead lawyer and a dead skunk
   in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk!
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Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch pornos backwards?
A: They like to see the part where the hooker gives the money back!
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Q: Why shouldn't you sleep with a virgin from West Virginia?
A: If she's not good enough for her brother...
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Q: What's the recipe for German Chocolate Cake?
A: Well, first you occupy the kitchen...
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Q: What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A: A dictator.
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With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.