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Snow White and her friends the seven dwarfs were all out working
in the woods one day chopping wood to get the firewood stocked
up for the winter. All were working very hard except for Bashful,
"If only I could get into Snow White's knickers I'd give her Bashful"
he thought to himself. He knew he did not have much chance of this so
second best would have to do. A plan was needed so he could get to see
her with no clothes on,  that would have to do!
All afternoon he racked his brains and just before tea he got an idea
but he would have to rely on his six little friends. 5 O'Clock came
and they all went home for tea this is when he would tell the rest of
his plan. As Snow White was making the tea the seven dwarfs gathered
round to listen to Bashful explain his plan "when she goes to bed she
locks the bedroom door and takes the key out" says Bashful "but with us
being small we could never get up to spy through the keyhole, but if
we all stood on each others shoulders the top one would be able to see
her undressing and tell the others what she looked like." "Thats all
very well" Grumpy mutters "but who's going to be at the top."
"Well since I thought of the idea I think I should" Bashful announces.
They all agree to this and wait for Snow White to go to bed.
Snow White raised from the armchair "I'm off to bed now so I'll see
you all in the morning." The dwarfs wait until they here the door
being locked and then tiptoe upstairs, very quietly they start to
get into position until finally Bashful is at the top and can see
through the key hole. Snow White starts getting undressed unaware of the
beady eye looking through the key hole.

"She's taking her top off" whispers Bashful and it goes down the line of
dwarfs "She's taking her top off"
       "She's taking her top off"
       "She's taking her top off"
       "She's taking her top off"
       "She's taking her top off"
       "She's taking her top off"
 
"Now she's taking her skirt off" a hot Bashful says and again it goes
down the line "She's taking her skirt off"
              "She's taking her skirt off"
              "She's taking her skirt off"
              "She's taking her skirt off"
              "She's taking her skirt off"
              "She's taking her skirt off"
 
"She's taking her bra off" squeaks Bashful and again it goes down the
line "She taking her bra off"
     "She taking her bra off"
     "She taking her bra off"
     "She taking her bra off"
     "She taking her bra off"
     "She taking her bra off"
 
"She's taking her knickers off" pants Bashful and yet again it goes down
the line "She taking her knickers off"
         "She taking her knickers off"
         "She taking her knickers off"
         "She taking her knickers off"
         "She taking her knickers off"
         "She taking her knickers off"
 
Suddenly Bashful hears a noise "quick, someones coming"
                               "It's not me"
                               "It's not me"
                               "It's not me"
                               "It's not me"
                               "It's not me"
                               "It's not me"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and starts talking to the bartender
and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, "I'll bet you five dollars
that I can bite my ear". The bartender thinks, "No way", so he says
"your on". So the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his ear.
So the bartender says "shit", and gives the man $5.00. Then the man says,
"ok, I'll bet you $10.00 that I can lick my eye. The bartender thinks, 
"no way", so he says, "You're on". So the man takes out his glass eye
and he licks it. The bartender angrily throws the man his 10 bucks. 
Then the man says, "Ok, I have one more for ya. I'll bet you $50.00 if you
roll an empty beer bottle down the bar, I can piss in it and not miss a
drop". Convinced that he can't do this, the bartender says, "Ok, you're
on", and proceeds to roll the bottle down the bar. The man whips out 
his weenie and begins pissing. He totally misses the bottle and pisses 
all over the bar and the bartender. The Bartender laughs, and says, "Ha, 
I new you could'nt do it. Now hand over my fifty bucks". So the guy   
laughing, reaches into his pocket to get the fifty bucks and the bartender
askes him, "Why are you laughing? I just won fifty bucks from you?" And
the man says, "Well, I bet the guy in the back of the bar $500.00 that if
I pissed on you, you'd smile...:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town
and there were many attendees. The president of the society was
at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were
there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:
"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a
showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,
"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once
again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.
Then the question, "Who of you have had the occaison to have
actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved
about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another
query, "Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?",
and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.
"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised
to the stage? I simply must inquire further." And with a couple of
moments delay the man was brought forward, who incidentally turned
out to be a wee Scotsman in full kilt no less. When the Scot arrived
on stage, the speaker asked him, "Well Sir, tell us what it was like
to have sex with a ghost.", to which the man replied, "Ghost? Laddie,
I thought ye said goat!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to
discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. fascinated by what he saw,
the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him
next door. The mouserepeated his amazing performance by raping a German
Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his
discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain,
she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
  "Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about
this."
  "Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Did ya hear about the new divorced barbie doll?
A: She comes with all Kens stuff......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How many divorced men does it take to paint a house?
A: None, the bitch always gets the house.