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  An indian walks into a whore house and throws a bag of money on the counter
and says, "me want pussy."
  The woman working the counter decides that she wants to have a little fun
with him, and tells him that he must first fuck the big oak tree on the hill.
  The indian replies, "me no want tree, me want pussy."  "Sorry," the lady
replies, "those are the rules."  The indian goes up to the hill and fucks
the big oak tree.
  The next day the indian returns to the whore house with two bags of money
and demands some pussy.  The woman tell him that he must fuck the tree two
more times and then he can have all the pussy he wants.  The indian does as
she says and returns the next day.
  When he returns, the woman tells him to go to room 302 on the third floor.
About 5 minutes later, the woman hears screaming.  She runs up to the first
floor, nothing.  She runs up to the second floor, nothing.
  She runs up to the third floor and sure enough, the noise is comming from
room 302.  The woamn rushes in to see the indian cramming a brom handling up
the prostitutes cunt.  The woman says, "What the hell are you doing?1"  The
indian replies, "Me check for bees!"
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  A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the
country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and
came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer
explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to
sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
  The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two
have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a
knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't
sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion
to sleep in the same room with a pig!"
  The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no
religious problem with pigs.  However, about five minutes later,
the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying "There's a COW
in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against
my religion!"
  The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn,
as he had no problem sleeping with animals.
  In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the
cow entered...
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A couple who have been married for 20 years is preparing for bed when the
following conversation takes place...
 
She: "Honey, if I die before you, would you remarry?"
He:  "That's a morbid question!"
She: "No, I really want to know."
He (pauses to think): "Yes, I suppose after a decent amount of time I might
    remarry."
She: "Would she live in our house?"
He:  "Well, the mortgage is almost paid off - would you really expect me to
    move?"
She: "Would she wear my mink coat?"
He:  "You know I paid $3,500 for that coat - would you really want me to
    sell it for a loss?"
She: "Well, would she drive my BMW?"
He:  "No.  Absolutely not.  She doesn't know how to drive a stick shift!"
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  A blind bunny rabbit and a blind snake were born into this world. Fate
being what it was, the two crossed paths one day in a vegetable garden.
  "You know, all my life, I've wondered what I was", said the snake. "I
don't know since I can't see anything."
  "I've wondered the same thing", said the rabbit. "Maybe together we can
figure out who we are."
  "Ok", said the snake. So he curled up around the bunny rabbit and began
to sniff and prod and stroke the bunny.
  "Hmmm, you're small, and soft, and warm and furry", said the snake, "and
you have big ears and a bushy tail." The snake thought for a moment. "I
know, you must be a rabbit!"
  "Oh thank you thank you!" said the bunny, "Now let me help you." So the
bunny rabbit started sniffing at the snake, pausing to stroke him with
his paws. "Well let's see. You're long and cold and slimy and have a
forked tongue. You have scales.... I know, you must be a lawyer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog
raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg.  The man reached
in his pocket and took out a doggie biscuit.  A busybody who had
been watching ran up to him and said, "You shouldn't do that.  He'll
never learn anything if you reward him when he does something like
that!".  The blind man retorted, "I'm not rewarding him.  I'm just
trying to find his mouth so that I can kick him in the ass".
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  An Eskimo was having problems with his car, so he decided to take it to a
mechanic.  After examining the engine, the mechanic reported the problem.
"Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic told the Eskimo.
  "Nope," said the Eskimo, "that's just frost in my mustache."
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If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's
another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of
nonconformity.
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If you don't find it in the Index,
look very carefully through the entire catalogue.
     -"Consumer's Guide", Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)
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Definition of Dyslexic : incorrectly combining letters to words.  By those
suffering from it also known as Dixclesy, Slydexic, Cysdexlic and 
Delcyxis.