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March 1, 1995


Practical Joke:

1 - Buy Egg
2 - Find bus-stop with long que.
3 - Stand near the start of the que.
4 - Take out hankie
5 - Put Egg in Hankie
6 - Make snorting noises and start saying "Oh God No.."
7 - Put Hankie (and hidden egg) around nose
8 - Make LOUD Snorting noises
9 - Squeeze Egg
10 - Allow egg to drip down arm on to floor.
11 - The long bus que will now be much shorter.

Have Fun...

BTW: This always gets funny looks. Walk into a shop an buy a MARS(Tm)
     bar. Take off the wrapper in the shop an stuff the MARS(Tm) bar 
     in to your mouth sideways and hop around the store. Good Buggs
     Bunny Impression!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Three Christians just died, in a car crash and they appear at the pearly
gates of Heaven with St. Peter.  He says to the first man, "You will only be
allowed entrance to Heaven if you can answer this question.  What is Easter?"
  The first man thinks for awhile and says, "Oh, Easter is when you put up
a pine tree, decorate it, and give presents to your family and friends.
Usually your family gets together for Easter Dinner."
  St. Peter frowns and throws the man into a lake of fire.  He asks the
second man, "Do you know what Easter is?"
  The second man says, "That's easy.  Easter is the day when the Indians
and the settlers got together and the Indians taught them how to hunt and 
grow crops. They had a big feast, and now, we get together and have a feast 
on that day."
  St. Peter scowls and throws the man into a lake of fire.  He turns to
the third man, "Ok, do *you* know what Easter is?"
  The third man smiles and says, "Easter is the celebration of Jesus'
resurrection.  The Romans cruxify him and he's buried in a cave.  Three days
later, he rises from the dead and exits the cave."
  St. Peter smiles and the pearly gates open.  As the man enters, he says
under his breath,  "And if he sees his shadow, there's six more weeks of
winter!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorilla at the end of the bar.  He
asks the bartender: "What's wit' the gorilla?"
        The bartender then proceeds to pick up a hugh wooden bar and 
repeatedly hit the gorilla over the head.  The gorilla leaps over the bar 
and gives the bartender a blowjob.
        The man stares in amazement.  After it's over, the bartender says:
"Well do you want to try?"  The guy says: "Why Yes, but don't hit me so hard!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A baby boy was born, while screaming he asks the doctor "Are you my father?"
No I'm the doctor.
Looks around the room and sees another person in a gown "Are you my father?"
Yes son I'm your dad.
Well, lean down here for a minute!
[Father leans over] Yes what is it?
[Tapping dad on forehead rather hard] Hurts doesn't it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There were these 2 penguins walking down the road minding their own business 
and the one penguin looks at the other penguin and says "Hey it looks like
you're wearing a tuxedo!!"  And the other penguin replies "So what if I am?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?     
A: None, they're waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct 
   the lighting disequilibrium.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: How do you tell one end of a worm from the other ?
A: Put it in a bowl of flour and wait for it to fart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms and no legs?
A: NIGGER!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the Nebraska state tree?
A: A telephone pole.
For more great Funny Bone humor...
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