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  Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West
Virginia courts.  A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep,
since that's illegal an' all.  Anyway, the key witness was an old
fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep
was raised.  The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw:
  "Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin'
grass.  And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real
quiet-like."
  "And then what?" asked the prosecutor.
  "Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close."
  "And what happened after that?"
  "Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of
minutes.  THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!"
  Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury
member next to him and said, "You know... a good sheep'll do that."
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  This guy goes into a bar looking real depressed, and orders a 
drink.  As soon as it hits the bar, the man shoots it down and 
orders another.  The sympathetic bartender asks, "Any thing you 
want to talk about?"
  The depressed man replies "Well for the last couple months, I 
suspected my wife was cheeting on me.  So today, I took the day 
off work to follow her.  When I came home for lunch, I caught her 
screwing my best friend."
  "Wow" replied the bartender, "If you don't mind me asking, what 
do you say to your best friend in that situation?"
The man replied, "Well I looked him right in the eye, and I 
yelled, BAD DOG!!!"
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  A woman golfer, having finished the first hole, is walking down the path
to the second tee when she gets stung on the arm by a bee. She rushes back
to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.  She bumps into the Pro, who
says "What can I help you with?"
   "I've been stung by a bee."
   "Oh really, where?"
   "Between the first and second hole"
   "Well, first of all, your stance is too wide..."
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Barney... spawn of Satan?
Take the phrase "CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR", and change all the 'U's to
'V's... (trust me on this one) because there were no 'U's in roman
times...then add all the letters up like they were roman numerals,
and you get 666!
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Woman walks into a bar with a dog under her arm
 barman - Where'd you get the pig?
 woman  - That's not a pig, it's a dog!
 barman - I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the dog.
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If a chicken and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half,
how long will it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out
of a dill pickle?
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Q: Whats the difference getween a Harley and a Hoover vaccume?
A: With a Hoover, the dirt bag rides Inside the machine.
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Q: What does Willie Shoemaker have that Micheal Jackson doesn't?
A: A license to ride three year olds!
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Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
A: Vibrato.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
                                                        -Deep Thoughts 
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Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
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Does a pneumismatist collect inflated currency?