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  This woman was walking along the beach and kicked something in the
sand. She kicked it again to see what it was and a bottle popped
out of the sand and rolled along the beach. A Jeanie appeared from
the bottle and looking pretty pissed, said "Hey, I was sleeping
what do you think you're doing??" The woman said "Sorry, I didn't
know you were in there...wait a minute, you're a Jeanie, you have
to grant me three wishes." "Nothing doin'!!" said the Jeanie, "you
woke me up!!" "But you're a Jeanie," she said, "you HAVE to grant
me three wishes." Alright said the Jeanie, "I'll grant you ONE
wish." The woman said "Ok, I want my breasts to be really big" 
The Jeanie told her to go home that evening and rub toilet paper
between her breasts and they would get really big. "That's crazy,"
she said, "That will never work!" The Jeanie replied "Well, it worked
really well on your ass!!"
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Twee homo's lopen over de wallen. Een van de twee krijgt opeens zin en zegt 
tegen z'n vriendje:" Het kan me niks schelen, ik ben geil, ik ga 't gewoon 
een keer met zo'n griet proberen." Eugene,z'n vriend,is een beetje verbaasd, 
maar zegt OK. Na een tijdje ziet hij een hoer die hij wel ok vind en hij 
gaat naar binnen. 20 minuten later komt hij naar buiten en zegt:" tja, het 
is natuurlijk niet hetzelfde, maar ook niet onplezierig,waarom probeer jij 
het ook niet Eugene?" Hij twijfelt, maar gaat ook naar binnen....
Een half uur later is hij nog steeds binnen. Nog een half uur gaat voorbij, 
en nog een. Eugene's vriend, die al die tijd buiten  wacht, begint behoorlijk 
pissig te worden. Eindelijk, totaal uitgeput, komt Eugene naar buiten :
"Luister, ik weet niet hoe je het doet, ik heb alles geprobeerd, maar ik 
krijg die kut niet in m'n reet."
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Two old ladies were on a beach, swimming.  When they got out of the
water, They pulled their cigarettes out of there bathing suits and tried to 
light them, but couldn't since they were wet.  They were saying something
about keeping their cigarettes dry while swimming when A young woman came
out of the water, pulled a cigarette out of her suit, and lit it.  The two
old ladies ran over to the young woman and asked how she kept her cigarette
dry while swimming.  The woman said "I keep it in a condom".  The two old
ladies went to the drug store, went up to the pharmasist, and one of them
said, "We'd like two condoms."   The pharmasist decided to have some fun
with this, so he asked what size they needed.  The other lady said, "Oh, to
fit a camel"
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A rabbi was making a deposit at the bank.  When he pulls out his wallet to
get out the money, the guy next to him sees it and says "Boy, that's a really
nice wallet. Where did you get it?"  The rabbi says "I made it myself.  The 
material is of the finest quality."  The guy says "No kidding. What's it made 
out of?"  The rabbi says "After I perform circumcisions, I save the flaps of 
skin and sew them into wallets.  These wallets are very useful when I go 
travelling."  The guy says "Really? What makes them so useful?"   The rabbi 
says "All I have to do is rub the wallet, and it turns into a suitcase!"
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   Some race horses staying in a stable.  One of them starts to boast about
his track record.  "Out of my last 15 races, I've won 8!"
   Another horse breaks in, "Well out of my last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
   "Oh that's good, but out of my last 36 races, I've one 28!", says another,
flicking his tail.
   At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting nearby
listening.  "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but out of MY last
90 races, I've won 88!"
   The horses are clearly amazed.  "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence.
"A talking dog."
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  A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender, not 
accustomed to seeing gorillas in his bar, stares in wide-eyed astonishment.
  "Is there a problem?" asks the gorilla.
  "I'm sorry," says the bartender, "we just don't serve that many 
gorillas in this bar."
  Undaunted, the gorilla replies, "Well, at $3.50 a bottle, I'm not 
surprised!"
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In most of North America, Moosehead is a beer.
In West Virginia, it's a felony.
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Q: What happens when a Jew wallks into a wall with a full erection?
A: He breaks his Nose.
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Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny.