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     There's this really beautiful woman, but she can't get any dates.  So, 
she tells a close friend her problem.  She says, "I can't get any dates, no 
one even notices me.  I know I'm very pretty, but I really think it's 
because I'm flat chested."  (as flat as a board)  So her girlfriend says to 
her, "I think I can get you in touch with someone who can help you with your 
problem."  She gives her beautiful, flat-chested friend the number of a 
doctor.  So she goes right home, and calls the doctor's office and sets up a 
consultation.  The doctor says he can, indeed, help her with her problem.  
He explains the procedure that would have to be done.  He tells her that he 
would insert these two pins into her breast and that any time she wants her 
breast size to increase all she has to do is flap her elbows (flap your 
elbows) like a chicken.  She thinks this is a great idea and agrees to have 
the procedure done.
     Some time later, after the procedure, she decides to go shopping.  As
she's walking through the mall, with her head down, not watching where she's
going, she bumps into someone.  She looks up to apologize and it's this
really great- looking, drop-dead-gorgeous, hunk of a man... immediately she
starts flapping her elbows and says, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I  wasn't paying
attention."  Just as she's apologizining the man starts flapping his knees
together saying, "Oh, that's okay."
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Down here in cajun land we have really UGLY people...
I used to see my neighbor, Thibodeaux, go out in the woods every morning 
and come back with a mess of squirrels, but i never saw him bring a gun.  
One morning I went out and met him and asked him if he was trapping them 
squirrels.  He said "No, I just ugly them to death". Well, i told him I 
never heard of such a thing and he invited me to come along and see how 
it was done.  Shortly after we entered the woods we spotted a squirrel 
up in a tree.  Old Thibodeaux gave a short whistle to get the 
squirrel's attention and when the squirrel looked Thibodeaux squinched 
up his face and stared right at the squirrel.  To my amazement, the 
squirrel dropped out of the tree and hit the ground, dead as a door nail.  
I told Thibodeaux "It is hard to believe anybody can do that!" He said 
that it was no big deal he knew lots of people that could do that.  
He said "As a matter of fact, even my wife can do it, but I don't let her 
hunt anymore, cause she messes up the meat too bad."
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A Montana rancher in Miles City strolled into the main street bar one
afternoon and walked up to the bar and ordered a beer.  The bar was empty
except for a voluptuous woman in high shorts and an halter top at the end
of the bar.  So he walked over and asked her if she minded if he sat down
there and she said no.  A few minutes passed and he asked her what she
did.  She replied that she was a lesbian.   Not knowing what  a lesbian
was he asked what one was.  She replied that a lesbian likes to make wild,
kinky sex with women.   A few minutes more passed and she asked him what
he did.  He said, "Well, I thought I was a rancher, but now I think I want
to be a lesbian."
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  Two guys were having a drink in a pub.
  "I feel so embarrassed" said the first. "I walked into the library to 
borrow a book and was so distracted by the librarian's breasts that I asked
her hweather she had Dickens' "A Sale of Two Titties".
  "Don't worry" said his mate. "Slips of the tongue happen all the time. Only
this morning at breakfast I had wanted to ask my wife to pass the margarine,
instead of which I said :You bloody bitch, You ruined my life."
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A man conversing with his penis remarked, "I don't understand women!".
     The penis responded - "Do you understand color television?"
     "No."
     "So what's the problem?"