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  Okay there's this bear in the jungle and he's feeling realy horny, but he
can't find another bear to shag.  So as he's walking past the watering hole
he notices the lion, King of the jungle, leaning over to drink.
  Well he can't resist, he runs up behind the lion, grabs a hold, and starts
to fuck the shit out of him.
  Well the lion is not best pleased, and with a huge roar gets free and runs
after the bear.  Now the bear is running like crazy, cus he knows the lion is
gonna kill him.
  Through the jungle they go until the bear runs into a clearing.  There in
the middle of the clearing is an English explorer, safari suite, big boots,
pith hat sat in a deck chair reading the times.  Well the bear growls at the
man, knocks his hat off and the explorer runs away scared to death.
  Quickly the bear puts on the hat, sits down, and pretends to read the
paper. Just then the lion rushes into the clearing, "Have you seen a bear
around here?" he says, "What the one that just shagged a lion by the
watering hole?" says the bear "Oh fuck!" says the lion "It's not made the
papers already has it!"
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     April 15 was fast approaching and a young lady of the evening went to
her tax preparer to file her income tax. Well when the conservative young
man started to fill out the forms, he asked, "What do you do for a living?"
     "I'm a prostitute," the girl said unabashedly.
     The fellows face turned red and he stammered, "Oh, we can't say that on
the form. Is there something else you can call yourself."
    The young woman thought for a moment and said,"You can put down that I'm 
a hooker."
     The young man's face got redder and he shook his head. "No, we can't say
that either."
     The young woman thought for a moment and finally said, "All right, just
put down that I'm a chicken farmer."
     The young man looked at her for a moment, an expression of perplexity
spreading across his face. "A chicken farmer? Why a chicken farmer?"
     The young woman looked at him and replied, "Because I must have raised
about 300 cocks last year."
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A mathematical limerick.
                             _
         12 + 144 + 20 + 3 \/4             2
         --------------------- + 5*11  =  9  + 0
                   7
Reads as:

         A dozen, a gross, and a score
         Plus three times the square root of four
              Divided by seven
              Plus five times eleven
         Is nine squared, and not a bit more.
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Scientists have discovered that the humble sponge is the most intellegent
creature on earth.  They are the only creatures on the planet who have
successfully managed to train thousands if not millions of georgous, hot,
sexy women to rub them all over the hot, wet, steamy, naked bodies!!
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Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino!
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Q: What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant?
A: VERY large holes all over Australia!
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Q: What's black & brown & looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.
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Q: Why do mice have such small balls?
A: Because not many mice know how to dance.
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Q: Why was the snowman smiling?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.
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Scientists say that 90% of all one dollar bills carry germs.
Not true!  Even a germ can't live on a buck these days.
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You hear how the programmer died in the shower?  He was shampooing
his hair and followed the instructions: lather, rinse, repeat.