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A man is traveling down a country road and sees a sign "pigs for sale ...
50 cents a pound"  He pulls over to buy one and goes up to the farmer.
"I'd like one of your pigs".  The farmer says "pick one out and I'll weigh
it."  He points to a pig and the farmer catches it, picks it up, puts its
tail in his mouth and holds the pig out.  "That pig weighs 50 pounds."
"Wait a minute." says the man "You can't expect me to take your word on
it."  "That's how my family has always weighed pigs.  Here I'll show you.
Junior come over here and weigh this pig."  The farmer's son comes over and
puts the pig's tail in his mouth and says "Near as I can figure, this pig
weighs about 50 pounds.""I don't know about this." the man says.  "If
you're still wondering I'll get my wife.  Junior go up to the house and
fetch your Ma."  he runs up and comes back.  "She can't come down now Pa.
She's busy weighing the mailman."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Management Review of Writing Style
 
QUESTION:      How many feet do mice have?
 
Original reply:Mice have four feet.
 
Management
comment:       Elaborate!
 
Revision 1:    Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
 
Comment:       No discussion of fifth appendage!
 
Revision 2:    Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one
is a tail.
 
Comment:       What?  Feet with no legs?
 
Revision 3:    Mice have four legs, four feet and one tail per unit-mouse.
 
Comment:       Confusing -- is that a total of 9 appendages?
 
Revision 4:    Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly
per body.
 
Comment:       Does not fully discuss the issue!
 
Revision 5:    Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each
leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not
equipped with a foot.
 
Comment:       Descriptive?  Yes.  Forceful?  NO!
 
Revision 6:    Allotment appendages for mice will be: Four leg-foot
assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it
would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
 
Comment:       Too authoritative; stifles creativity!
 
Revision 7:    Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg
joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system.  Also
attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and
ornamental in nature.
 
Comment:       Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
 
FINAL REVISION
APPROVED BY
MANAGEMENT:    Mice have four feet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
A2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A3: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're
    looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
A4: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and
    the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and
    forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part
    (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of
    failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting,
    elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the
    front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just
    inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the
    carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of
    the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned
    agreement between the parties.
        The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be
    limited to, the following steps:
        1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without
    elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any
    other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb)
    and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a
    counter-clockwise direction,this point being non-negotiable.
       2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light
    Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"),
    the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing
    of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with
    all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
       3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the
    first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of
    the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb").  This installation shall
    occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described
    in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the
    rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being
    non-negotiable.   NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at
    the option of the
    party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by
    him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the
    party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."