[ Top | Categories | Archive | Subscribe | Contribute | JokeMaster | DreamHost ]

For more great Funny Bone humor...
be sure to SUBSCRIBE to one of the FREE mailing lists!

FINAL EXAM

INSTRUCTIONS:
Read each question carefully.  Answer all questions.  Time limit: 4 hours.
 Begin immediately.

HISTORY:  Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the
present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social,
political,
economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.

MEDICINE:  You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze and
a bottle of scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work
has been inspected.  You have fifteen minutes.

PUBLIC SPEAKING:  2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom.
 Calm them.  You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

BIOLOGY:  Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture
if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special
attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. 
Prove your thesis.

MUSIC:  Write a piano concerto.  Orchestrate and perform it with a flute
and drum.  You will find a piano under your seat.

PSYCHOLOGY:  Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional
stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the
following:  Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicia,
Hammurabi.
 Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making
appropriate
references.  It is not necessary to translate.

SOCIOLOGY:  Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the
end of the world.  Construct an experiment to test your theory.

ENGINEERING:  The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle hav been
placed
on your desk.  You will also find an instruction manual, printed in
Swahili.
 In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room.  Take
whatever action you feel appropriate.  Be prepared to justify your
decision.

ECONOMICS:  Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the
Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light.  Outline a method from all
possible points of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last
question.

POLITICAL SCIENCE:  There is a red telephone on the desk beside you.  Start
World War III.  Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

EPISTEMOLOGY:  Take a position for or against truth.  Prove the validity of
your stand.

PHYSICS:  Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an
evaluation
of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

PHILOSOPHY:  Sketch the development of human thought, estimate its
significance.
 Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE:  Describe in detail.  Be objective and specific.

If you finish early turn your paper in at the table at the front of the
room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a lost episode of the 60's TV show Mister Ed...

As the scene opens, Mister Ed is in the barn, reading the paper
when Wilbur comes in...
 
Wilbur:  Hi there, Ed ! What are you up to?
 
Ed:      Well, Willllbur I was just reading in the paper where in
         Pakistan they executed a horse for killing a man.
 
Wilbur:  Gee, Ed, that's awful - what did they do to execute the horse?
 
Ed:      Well, they have this special gallows that allows them to hang
         the horse by the neck and the tail, and that kills 'em.
 
Wilbur:  Gosh Ed, that sounds brutal. I hope I'm never hung like a horse!
 
Ed:      That's not what your wife says Willlbur!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
        There is a frenchman a russian and a canadian in a bar drinking.
They are getting a little buzzed so they start tqalking about their 
homelands. The russian get 's a bit excited and says "back in russia good 
vodka is plentiful" he then takes a big swig of vodka from the bottle throws 
it up in the air and takes a gun out and blows it away.
        Well the frenchman doesn't want to be shown up, so he takes a big 
swill of his whine and says, " en france good whine iz plentiful" , he then 
proceeds to take a gun out , throw the bottle in the air  and blast it outta 
the air.
        Well the canadian is getting kinda nervous there with his bottle of 
beer. So the canadian takes a big drink of beer, and shoots the frenchman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A happy pitbull.