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  An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work.  He happens
upon this guy that needs actors.  The guy is from the Zoo and explains that
they spent so much money on getting the habitat just right, that they ran
out of money to import the ape they wanted.  They hired the actor to be
that ape.  Well, the guy thinks that this is stupid, but he takes the job
anyway. 
  The first few days, the actor just sits there thinking he doesnt look
real and that no one is stupid enough to fall for this stunt.  He gets
bored and decides to walk around and examine his little cage.  With this,
he notices that people are watching his every move.  He decides to give
them a show.  After a couple weeks, he is swinging on the poles and dancing
around making a lot of gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd.
  One day, he is showing of for a group of kids.  He is swinging around
and around a pole, when all of a sudden, his hand slips and he goes flying
over the cage wall and right into the lion's cage.  immediately the lion is
stalking him.  The actor backs up as far as he can, and when he sees no
other option, he start screeming his lungs out."HELP ME! HELP ME!"  With
that, the lions yells. "Shut up or you'll get us all fired!"
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An elephant is walking in the jungle, minding his own business, when he
steps on an extremly long, stiff and sharp thorn. Moaning in agony, an
unable to remove the thorn, he hops and limps off in the jungle, when he
happens upon a mouse. The mouse says,"hey mr. elephant, i will be glad to
remove that thorn for you on one condition: you let me fuck you in the ass".
The elephant, taken aback, thinks it over- Well, it's just a little mouse
cock, i won't even feel it, no one  will ever know, and I am in agony....
and agrees. The mouse, tugging with all of his effort, pulls out the thorn.
The elephant sighs in relief, as the little mouse mounts him from behind.
Pumping his little mouse dick into, the elephant wildly. A monkey, watching
from up in a tree, knocks a coconut down where it strikes the elephant
squarely on the skull. "Ow!", says the elephant. The mouse says, "That's it,
bitch, SUFFER!"
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  Researchers at NCSU were doing some work in the area of human and animal
interbreeding, and as part of their course of research, it became necessary
to mate a human with a gorilla.  A sign was posted on campus to recruit a
subject for the experiment..."Sex with Gorilla - $500.00."
  After a few days time, they finally got a response.  A NCSU student said
he would have sex with the gorilla on the following three conditions.
  1.  I won't kiss her.
  2.  You have to name the "baby" after me.  and...
  3.  I'll need a few weeks to come up with the $500.00.
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I thought my wife, Barbara, was losing her hearing, so one day I decided to
test it.  I quietly walked in the front door and stood 30 feet behind her.
"Barbara," I said, "can you hear me?"  There was no response, so I moved 20
feet behind her.  "Barbara," I said, "can you hear me?" Still no response.
I advanced to ten feet and asked "Now can you hear me?" "Yes, dear," Barbara
answered. "For the THIRD time, yes!"
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  Two tourists land at a Florida airport where they get stopped by a 
customs officer.
  "Excuse me, but you, don't have any guns on you do you??" said the 
officer.
  "No," said the couple,
  "Well take some ya need 'em!!"
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Two Polacks have been dove hunting all day to no avail.
1st Polack:  Damn! We've been out here all day long and haven't killed a
             damn thing!  What do you think we're doing wrong?
2nd Polack: (Thinks for a bit) Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough.
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Q: How do you make a good soul singer?
A: Put a duck in a microwave and wait until it's Bill Withers.
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Q: What are those bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's braile for Suck Me.
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As long as there are tests, there will always be prayer in school.