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  A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had
spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when
who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked
terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red,
and his teeth chattering.
  "I got a ride down here in some guys moustache...and he came down here
by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.
  "Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some
more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess' lounge at
the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air
Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm
ride. Got it?"
  So you can imagine the fleas surprise when, a month or so later,
while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should
he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before.
  "Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the
stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in and made
a perfect landing, and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."
  "And so?" asked the first flea.
  "And so the next thing I know I'm on this guys moustache......"
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Bert met Flo in a bar one night and began buying her drinks. They hit it off
pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his apartment for some
extracurricular activity. Well it wasn't long before they found themselves
in bed making passionate love. As they were making love though, Bert noticed
that Flo's toes would curl up as he was thrusting in and out. When they were
done, Bert laid back on the bed and said, "I must of been pretty good
tonight. I noticed your toes curling up when I was going in and out."
Flo looked at him and smiled. "That usually happens when you forget to
remove my pantyhose."
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  Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a 
condom about to give his girlfriend some.
  Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' daddy?"
  Johnny's dad stoops over to cover-up his dick and starts looking at 
the floor.
  "Oh i'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says.
  Little Johnny says, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?"
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In a long line of people, one guy suddenly starts massaging the back of
the person infront of him, the person turned and asked, what the hell you 
are doing?, "well," said the guy massaging the back, "you see I'm a 
chairopractor and i can't help massaging your back, in fact i can't help 
practicing my art". "Are you crazy?" the other guy said, "I'm a lawyer, 
Am I fucking the guy in front of me?"
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"Doctor, we've got an emergency! My baby just swallowed all my tees."
"I'll be there at once."
"But tell me what to do till you get here, doc?"
"Practice your putting."
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There were 3 tomatoes out for a walk, Papa Tomatoe, Momma Tomatoe, and Baby
Tomatoe.  Baby Tomatoe was lagging behind, so Father Tomatoe walked back to
him and squashed him like a bug and said..............."Ketchup!"
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A baby harp seal walks into a bar. The bartender say, "what'll you have,
baby harp seal? The baby harp seal says, "anything but canadian club on the
rocks!"
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If a boy and girl get married in West Virginia, then move to Los Angeles 
and get divorced, Then move back to West Virginia : Are they still first 
Cousins?
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Q: What would you do if you had a rubber trumpet?
A: Join an elastic band, of course.
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Q: What do you call a dog with short legs and steel balls?
A: Sparky.
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Have you ever been so bored that you would have accept a collect call from
Satan?
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You're never alone with a clone.