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     The teacher says to the 1st grade class, "Today we're going to play a 
game: I go through the alphabet and for each letter I will call on one of
you to tell me a word that begins with that letter and use it in a
sentence." She begins with "A".  Johnny has his hand raised, but the teacher 
knows better than to call on him -- surely he has a swear word.  So the
teacher picks Jenny.
     "Ant," Jenny says, then procedes to use it in a sentence: "There
was an ant at our picnic."
     "Very good," the teacher said and proceded to letter "B".
Once again, Johnny has his hand raised, and of course the teacher cannot
pick him (you know, he'll have a swear word).  So she picks Mikey.
     "Bicycle," is Mikey's word.  "For Christmas I got a bicycle."
The teacher procedes through the alphabet and each letter she calls,
Johnny has his hand raised.  For each letter, though, she picks a
different child.  As she works through the alphabet, Johnny is getting
pissed, waving his hand more and more frantically for each letter.
Finally, the teacher hits the letter "U" and Johnny is the only one with
his hand raised.  Unable to think of a swear word that begins with "U",
she picks Johnny.
     "Okay Johnny," she says warily.  "What is your word."
     "Urinate," is Johnny's reply.
     "Yes," the teacher responds.  "Yes, urinate does begin with U.  And
can you use it in a sentence for me."
     "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."
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This cowboy was wandering around the desert and noticed an indian laying
naked with an erection.  The cowboy said "Man, what the heck are you doing?"
The indian replied "Me tellum time."  Mystified, the cowboy walked on.  He
ran across another indian doing the same thing.  Again he asked, "Man, what
in tarnations are you doin?"  Once again, the indian replied "Me tellum
time."  The cowboy just shook his head and walked on.  The cowboy ran across
a third indian.  This time, however, the indian was masturbating.  Puzzled,
the cowboy asks, "What the heck are you doing out in the middle of the
desert whackin off?" The indian replied "Me windum watch."
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        A father and son are walking down the street when they see two 
dogs fucking.  The boy goes "Daddy. Daddy.  What are the those two dogs
doing.  "Well son."  says the father.  "Those dogs are trying to make
puppies.  Later on that night...  The son walks into his parents bedroom
and sees his mother and father fucking.  The son says "Daddy. Daddy. What 
are you and mommy doing?" The father says "Well son we're trying to make 
you a brother or sister."  Then the son says "Daddy, turn mommy over I 
want a puppy."
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A policeman is sitting by the side of the road in Southern California 
when he sees a car speeding by.  He gives pursuit, pulls the car over, 
and sees that there is a man driving with three penquins in the back 
seat.  The man hastily explains that he is taking the penquins to the 
zoo, so the policeman lets him go.  The next day the trooper spots the 
same car speeding, and pulls it over again.  The same man is driving, and 
he still has the penquins in the back, which are all wearing sunglasses.  
"Hey," the trooper says, "I thought you said you were taking those 
penguins to the zoo?" "I did!" the man exclaims, "They loved it! Today 
we're going to the beach!"
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A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says to the barkeep "I bet you a
drink my dog can name his favourite composer." Barkeep agrees so the man
says to the dog, "What is your favourite composer?"
"BACH!" says the dog.
The barkeep is not impressed and throws the pair out of the bar.
"Maybe I should have said Beethhoven", says the dog.
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  A dog walks into a bar, and sits down. He wacks his paw down on the bar 
and says to the bartender "give me a Whiskey".
  The bartender pours it, and the dog slams it home, gets up and leaves.
  The patron next to the dog saw the whole thing and comments to the 
bartender "Whoa, thats amazing".
  "Yeah, he normally gets a Bourbon and Coke."
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  An Intel Pentium engineer goes into a bar and orders a drink.  The
bartender serves him and says "That'll be five dollars."
  The engineer slaps a five dollar bill onto the bar and says, "Keep the
change."
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Q: How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten.  One to change the bulb, and nine to design a T-shirt
   commemorating the event.
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Did you hear that Michael Jackson had to quit the cub scouts?....He was
up to a pack a day!!
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Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean that someone's not after you.
                            Think about it!
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Pollytheist:  Belief that god is a parrot.