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This guy goes to a whorehouse on Friday night with five dollars and
wants the Friday Night Special.  The madame takes him to a room that is
empty except for a chicken and says, "There you go," as she leaves the
room.  The guy is hesitant at first, but he's horny and broke, so he
fucks the chicken and, as it turns out, enjoys it.
The next Friday he returns to the whorehouse and asks for the Friday
Night Special.  This time he is taken to a dark room filled with people
who are looking through peepholes in the wall.  He finds an empty spot
and looks through to see a woman on a bed masturbating with a variety of
huge, oversized dildos and vibrators.  
The guy looks over to the man next to him and says,"Whoa, this is pretty
wild."
The man replies,"Shit, buddy, you ain't seen nothin'.  Last week there
was some guy fucking a chicken in there."
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  A little boy finds a wallet on the sidewalk in front of his house. His
mother looks inside, tells him that it belongs to someone who works in the
Prudential claims office across the street, and tells him to cross the
street, enter the Prudential building, and give it to a supervisor.  The
little boy (clutching the wallet) crosses the street, enters the building,
and suddenly needs to piss.  He goes to a men's room.  While he's pissing
into a urinal, the devil enters that men's room, then starts pissing into
an adjacent urinal.
  The boy sees the devil's dick, then says, "That's a big dick! That's even
bigger than my father's."
  The devil answers, "Yes, it is big.  Would you like to suck it?"
  The boy says, "I don't work for Prudential.  I just found this wallet on
the sidewalk."
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An Englisman, Scottishman and Irishman high up on a construction site,
at lunchtime. Englishman opens his sandwiches and says "ham again! If I
get ham again tomorrow, I'm going to throw myself off this building.
Scot says "fucking haggis! Haggis tomorrow, and off I go too. Irishman
says "oh jesus, not cabbage again. Cabbage tomorrow and off I go.". The
next day, the englishman gets ham and thros himself off the building. The
scot gets haggis and does the same, as does the Irishman who has cabbage.
At the funeral, the englishmans wife says "I don't understand - if only he
had told me he didn't like ham..." The scots wife says "I don't understand
why he didn't say he hated haggis". The irishman's wife says "I don't
understand. The dopey fuck made his own sandwiches".
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A couple gets married and they go at it all night. Well in the morning the
guys dick is sore . Well he heartd an old wifes tale if you soak it in
buttermilk it would macke it feel better. So he goes in the kitchen and
fills a bowl with buttermilk and plops old willie in. A little while goes
by and the new wife comes in and takes one look and says. "If your
refilling that thing I'm going home to mother."
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A man and a woman get in a lift at the top floor of a 100 storey building.
The lift starts to move and they hear a deafening bang, they realise the
ift is falling and any amount of button pushing does absolutely nothing to
stop the lift. 
Suddenly, starting with her shirt the woman begins ripping off her clothes
and says to the man "make me feel like a woman for the final time"
With that the man tears off his shirt and says "Here, iron this!!" 
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A man walks into the doctor's surgery with a penguin on his head.
Doctor:  "Yes, what can I do for you ?"
Penguin: "I seem to have this growth on my foot"
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Q: What's the best fuck you will ever get?
A: A "rodeo fuck".
That's where you get your girl on the floor on all fours, slip it in from 
behind, put one arm around her waist, lean forward and whisper in her ear 
"your the worst fuck I've ever had. Then hang on for eight seconds!"
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Q: Why do policemen have bigger balls then firemen?
A: Because they sell more tickets.
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Q: How do you tell if a Mexican bitch is pregnant?
A: Stick a jalapeno up her cunt and see if anything takes a bite!
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Bumbersticker: "Don't tailgate me or I'll flick a booger on your windshield."
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If a football hall-of-famer had to go and murder his wife, why couldn't it
have been Frank Gifford?