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In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe,
Arizona

         Case No. B19293, Judge Homer Simpson, Presiding

                   Wile E. Coyote, Plaintiff
                             -vs.-
                   Acme Company, Defendant

Opening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote:

     My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous
states, does hearby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company,
manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated
in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory.
Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business
income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions
and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United
States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product
liability.

     Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has
purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that
company`s mail-order department, certain products which did cause him
bodily injury due to defects in manufacture or improper cautionary
labelling.  Sales slips made out to Mr. Coyote as proof of purchase are at
present in the possession of the Court, marked Exhibit A.  Such injuries
sustained by Mr. Coyote have temporarily restricted his ability to make a
living in his profession of predator.  Mr. Coyote is self-employed and
thus not eligible for Workmen`s Compensation.

      Mr. Coyote states that on December 13th he received of Defendant via
parcel post one Acme Rocket Sled.  The intention of Mr. Coyote was to use
the Rocket sled to aid him in pursuit of his prey.  Upon receipt of the
Rocket Sled Mr. Coyote removed it from its wooden shipping crate and
sighting his prey in the distance, activated the ignition.  As Mr. Coyote
gripped the handlebars, the Rocket Sled accelerated with such sudden and
precipitate force as to stretch Mr. Coyote`s forelimbs to a length of
fifty feet.  Subsequently, the rest of Mr. Coyote`s body shot forward with
a violent jolt, causing severe strain to his back and neck and placing him
unexpectedly astride the Rocket Sled.  Disappearing over the horizon at
such speed as to leave a diminishing jet trail along its path, the Rocket
Sled soon brought Mr. Coyote abreast of his prey.  At that moment the
animal he was pursuing veered sharply to the right.  Mr. Coyote vigorously
attempted to follow this maneuver but was unable to, due to poorly
designed sttering on the Rocket Sled and a faulty or nonexistent braking
system.  Shortly thereafter, the unchecked progress of the Rocket Sled
brought it and Mr. Coyote into collision with the side of a mesa.

      Paragraph One of the Report of Attending Physician (Exhibit B),
prepared by Dr. Ernest Grosscup, M.D., D.O., details the multiple
fractures, contusions, and tissue damage suffered by Mr. Coyote as a
result of this collision.  Repair of the injuries required a full bandage
around the head (excluding the ears), a neck brace, and full or partial
casts on all four legs.

      Hampered by these injuries, Mr. Coyote was nevertheless obliged to
support himself.  With this in mind, he purchased of Defendant as an aid
to mobility one pair of Acme Rocket Skates.  When he attempted to use this
product, however, he became involved in an accident remarkably similar to
that which occured with the Rocket Sled.  Again, Defendant sold over the
counter, without caveat, a product which attached powerful jet engines (in
this case, two) to inadequate vehicles, with little or no provision for
passenger safety.  Encumbered by his heavy casts, Mr. Coyote lost control
of the Rocket Skates soon after strapping them on, and collided with a
roadside billboard so violently as to leave a hole in the shape of his
full silhouette.

      Mr. Coyote states that on occasions too numerous to list in this
document he has suffered mishaps with explosives purchased of Defendant:
the Acme "Little Giant" Firecracker, the Acme Self-Guided Aerial Bomb,
etc. (For a full listing, see the Acme Mail Order Explosives Catalogue and
attached deposition, entered in evidence as Exhibit C.) Indeed, it is safe
to say that not once has an explosive purchased of Defendant by Mr. Coyote
performed in an expected manner.  To cite just one example: At the expense
of much time and personal effort, Mr. Coyote constructed around the outer
rim of a butte a wooden trough beginning at the top of the butte and
spiralling downward around it to some few feet above a black X painted on
the desert floor.  The trough was designed in such a way that a spherical
explosive of the type sold by Defendant would roll easily and swiftly down
to the point of detonation indicated by the X.  Mr. Coyote placed a
generous pile of birdseed directly on the X, and then, carrying the
spherical Acme Bomb (Catalogue #78-832), climbed to the top of the butte.
Mr. Coyote`s prey, seeing the birdseed, approached, and Mr. Coyote
proceeded to light the fuse.  In an instant, the fuse burned down to the
stem, causeing the bomb to detonate.

      In addition to reducing all Mr. Coyote`s careful preparations to
naught, the premature detonation of Defendant`s product resulted in the
following disfigurements to Mr. Coyote:

  1.  Severe singeing of the hair on the head, neck, and muzzle.
  2.  Sooty discoloration.
  3.  Fracture of the left ear at the stem, causing the ear to dangle
      in the aftershock with a creaking noise.
  4.  Full or partial combustion of whiskers, producing kinking,
      frazzling, and ashy disintegration.
  5.  Radical widening of the eyes, due to brow and lid charring.

      We come now to the Acme Spring-Powered Shoes.  The remains of a pair
of these purchased by Mr. Coyote on June 23rd are Plaintiff`s Exhibit D.
Selected fragments have been shipped to the metallurgical laboratories of
the University of California at Santa Barbara for analysis, but to date,
no explanation has been found for this product`s sudden and extreme
malfunction.  As advertised by Defendant, this product is simplicity
itself: two wood-and- metal sandals, each attached to milled-steel springs
of high tensile strength and compressed in a tightly coiled position by a
cocking device with a lanyard release.  Mr. Coyote believed that this
product would enable him to pounce upon his prey in the initial moments of
the chase, when swift reflexes are at a premium.

      To increase the shoes' thrusting power still further, Mr. Coyote
affixed them by their bottoms to the side of a large boulder.  Adjacent to
the boulder was a path which Mr. Coyote`s prey was known to frequent.  Mr.
Coyote put his hind feet in the wood-and-metal sandals and crouched in
readiness, his right forepaw holding firmly to the lanyard release.
Within a short time Mr.  Coyote`s prey did indeed appear on the path
coming toward him.  Unsuspecting, the prey stopped near Mr. Coyote, well
within range of the springs at full extension.  Mr. Coyote gauged the
distance with care and proceeded to pull the lanyard release.

      At this point, Defendant`s product should have thrust Mr. Coyote
forward and away from the boulder.  Instead, for reasons yet unknown, the
Acme Spring- Powered Shoes thrust the boulder away from Mr. Coyote.  As
the intended prey looked on unharmed, Mr. Coyote hung suspended in air.
Then the twin springs recoiled, bringing Mr. Coyote to a violent
feet-first collision with the boulder, the full weight fo his head and
forequarters falling upon his lower extremities.

      The force of this impact then caused the springs to rebound,
whereupon Mr. Coyote was thrust skyward.  A second recoil and collision
followed.  The boulder, meanwhile, which was roughly ovoid in shape, had
begun to bounce down a hillside, the coiling and recoiling of the springs
adding to its velocity.  At each bounce, Mr. Coyote cam into contact with
the boulder, or the boulder cam into contact with Mr. Coyote, or both came
into contact with the ground.  As the grade was a long one, this process
continued for some time.

      The sequence of collisions resulted in systemic physical damage to
Mr. Coyote, vix., flattening of the cranium, sideways displacement of the
tongue, reduction of length of legs and upper body, and compression of
vertebrae from base of tail to head.  Repetion of blows along a vertical
axis produced a series of regular horizontal folds in Mr. Coyote`s body
tissues-- a rare and painful condition which caused Mr. Coyote to expand
upward and contract downward alternately as he walked, and to emit an
off-key, accordionlike wheezing with every step.  The distracting and
embarrassing nature of this symptom has been a major impediment to Mr.
Coyote`s pursuit of a normal social life.

      As the court is no doubt aware, Defendant has a virtual monopoly of
manufacture and sale of goods required by Mr. Coyote's work.  It is our
contention that Defendant has used its market advantage to the detriment
of the consumer of such specialized products as itching powder, giant
kites, Burmese tiger traps, anvils, and two-hundred-foot-long rubber
bands.  Much as he has come to mistrust Defendant's products, Mr. Coyote
has no other domestic source of supply to which to turn.  One can only
wonder what our trading partners in Western Europe and Japan would make of
such a situation, where a giant company is allowed to victimize the
consumer in the most reckless and wrongful manner over and over again.

      Mr. Coyote respectfully requests that the Court regard these larger
economic implications and assess punitive damages in the amount of
seventeen million dollars.  In addition, Mr. Coyote seeks actual damages
(missed meals, medical expenses, days lost from professional occupation)
of one million dollars; general damages (mental suffering, injury to
reputation) of twenty million dollars; and attorney's fees of seven
hundred and fifty thousand dollars.  By awarding Mr. Coyote the full
amount, this Court will censure Defendant, its directors, officers,
shareholders, successors, and assigns, in the only language they
understand, and reaffirm the right of the individual predator to equal
protection under the law.