[ Top | Categories | Archive | Subscribe | Contribute | JokeMaster | DreamHost ]

For more great Funny Bone humor...
be sure to SUBSCRIBE to one of the FREE mailing lists!

A man is on safari in an African jungle. Suddenly, all the normal noise of
the jungle stops, and is replaced by distant, ominous drums. Worried, he asks
his native guide.
'no, is fine, is bad when drums stop'.
They continue to walk. The drums continue to beat. The explorer is getting
on edge.
'no, is fine, is bad when drums stop'.
They continue to walk. The drums continue to beat. The explorer begins to
panic. Something is threatening.
'no, is fine, is bad when drums stop'.
Then suddenly the drums stop. The explorer panics, runs to his guide `the
drums have stopped! what happens now?!'
`bass solo'...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You think you have problems? I live at the end of a country road across
from some orange groves. People from the local town are constantly
dumping their unwanted pets out here. the dogs aren't to bad cause they
move in with the local coyotes,the cats are a pain in the ass. What I`ve
done to solve the problem is  the development of a type of mortar. Its
a long copper tube attached to a larger inclosed tube which acts as a
combustion chamber.For propellent I use Lysol spray and ignite it with a
push button starter from a gas grill.After attaching a parachute to the
lost pussy cat, it is placed in the mortar,the tube is aimed back into
town and fired the chute opens as it starts to descend and the cat is
returned unharmed back to town...........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young and very traditional Polish couple had been dating for
years.  Both nearing thirty, they decided to get married.  The
brides father approved of the marriage, but knew that his 
daughter had a heart condition. Feeling obliged to tell his 
future son-in-law about her medical condition, he arranged to
meet with him for a heart-to-heart discussion.  The man said,
"Stosh, I couldn't be happier that you are marrying my daughter.
However, there's something about her you should know about".
The young man, looking worried, asked, "What is it?".  The 
father said, "Well, Annie has acute angina".  To that, the young
Polish fellow replied "Whew, I'm glad... 'cuz she sure has 
ugly tits".       
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The scientific community decides that the time has come to determine 
the reason that a dick is shaped the way it is.  They get an American, a 
Canadian, and a Spaniard to do independent studies, and report back in 6
months. After the 6 months, there is another convention, and the 3
scientists are asked to present their findings. 
The Canadian gets up and says," It is shaped that way to please the woman
as much as possible".   
The American gets up and says, "Well we think it's shaped that way to 
please the man as much as possible." 
The Spaniard gets up and says,  No no, the real reason it's shaped that
way is to keep your hand from slipping off." 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  Guy and his girl walk into a bar.  Bartender asks their pleasure.  
"Scotch for me, and bring the doucebag here whatever she wants" says the 
guy.  "Hey!" says the bartender, "Mind your manners or get the hell out!".
  "Okay," says the guy "Scotch for me and bring the 'lady' here whatever 
she wants".
  "That's better." says the tender.  "What'll it be, ma'am?"
  "Oh, just a vinegar and water, please".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two nuns were taking a shower together.
One said to the other "Where's the soap?"
And the other replied "Yes, it does,doesn't it?"