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The Pope, distressed over the bad rap that Polish people all over the world
are getting, calls a meeting of the foremost thinkers in Poland.

"I want you to return to me in one year, after having accomplished something
so grand and magnificent that no one in the world can ever again crack jokes 
about the people of this fine nation being dumb."

The group of engineers, scientists and artists goes off and begins their work.

In a year's time they return to the audience of the Pope, who asks, "What is
it that you have done that will reclaim Poland's good name and convince the
world that we are not a nation of fools?"

The leader of the delegation steps forward and says, "Your holiness, we
decided that the best way to undertake your task would be to create a
monument, compared to which the seven wonders of the world would pale by
comparison."

"Wonderful!" the Pope replied.  "Where is it?  I must see it, so that we can
prepare to present it to the rest of the world."

"What we have created is a bridge, your eminence, a bridge of surpassing
span."

"Well, where is it?  We must go there at once."

"Your holiness, our bridge spans the length of the Sahara Desert."

"What?!?!  You can't build a bridge across a desert!!!  You build bridges
across water!  You must tear it down immediately before anyone sees it, and
we become even more of a laughingstock!"

"Well, your Holiness, we simply cannot do that..."

"Why not?  I command you to do so."

"Well, your eminence, we cannot because we can't convince all of the
Italians to stop fishing from it....."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A student stays up all night studying for his biology final.  He
arrives early to be certain to get a good seat.  As he's waiting
for the exam to begin, he notices that there are 10 stands at the
front of the room with 10 stuffed birds on the stands, each covered
by a bag such that only the bird's legs and feet are visible.
The student thinks to himself, "Easy!  He's gonna pull the bags off, and
we'll have to list the Genus, Species, etc."

A few minutes later, the professor calls for attention.  He says, "Today,
students, you will identify these birds, listing Genus, Species, etc., by
looking at their legs.  You have 1 hour." 

The student's jaw drops.  He notices that the rest of the class is 
busy writing, so he tries to work out the list.  After about 
5 minutes, the student realizes it's futile, and walks up to the
prof's desk.  He slams his blue book down on the desk and yells, 
"What a stupid test!  How can you expect us to identify the birds
by looking at their legs?"  He turns and storms toward the door.
This being a large lecture hall-type of classroom, the instructor doesn't
know everyone in the class, so he calls out, "Sir!  What is your name?"
The student stops, turns around, raises his pant leg and yells, "You
guess, buddy!  You guess!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe, a regular at the bar, walks in one day and his head has shrunken to
the size of a baseball.  The bartender says, "Joe! What happened!"

"I found this lamp on the beach," says Joe, "And, just for the hell of it I
rubbed it.  Out comes the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

"I am the genie of the lamp, I will grant you one wish."

"Wow, you are the most beautiful girl ever.  My wish is to get you naked and
have you screw my brains out."

"I am sorry," said the genie, "But that is a violation of the rules."

"Really?" said Joe, "well how about a little head?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A black man goes to the doctor for a vasectomy and he's wearing a tuxedo.   
The doctor asks, "What are you wearing that for?" The black guy says,   
"If I'm going to be IMPOTENT I wanna lok IMPOTENT!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank god I'm an atheist!