The Funny Bone: Famous Quotes

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Famous (And Not So Famous) Quotes

W.C. Fields

"There's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender."

Ex-Fireman

"At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster."

Popular Mechanics, 1949

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

Unknown

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want mustard with that?"

Jack Handy

...Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me,that's what her dinner tasted like...

Unknown

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Unknown

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

Edward Flaherty

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.

A Conformist

If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.

"Consumer's Guide", Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)

If you don't find it in the Index,look very carefully through the entire catalogue.

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