Funny Jokes - Funny Stories - Funny Cartoons

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                       |__   __| |                      April 29, 2008
                          | |  | |__   ___                     Tuesday
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    |(,_|                              |___/           ISSN: 1527-618X
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                        The Lady Had To Fart

                                                          ,
 An Avon lady was alone in an elevator when              /_\
 suddenly she had to fart.  She promptly                /_\_\
 reached into her bag and sprayed the air              /_/_/_\
 with her deodorizer.  Two floors later, a             /_\_\_\
 gentleman got on the elevator.                       /_/_/_/_\
                                                      /_\_\_\_\
 He began to sniff...                                /_/_/_/_/_\
                                                     /_\_\_\_\_\
 The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?"     /_/_/_/_/_/_\
                                                    /_\_\_\_\_\_\
 "Well, yes I do," he replied.                     /_/_/_/_/_/_/_\
                                               jgs      [___]
 "What does it smell like?"

 The bemused gentleman answered, "I'm not sure, but it kinda smells
 like someone shit in a pine tree."


       view this joke online -or- SEND it to your friends NOW
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                           Are you ready?

           T O D A Y 'S    C A R T O O N S    F O L L O W

                (just click on the VIEW links below)
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                   Somewhere is a bar in Las Vegas...

                                 VIEW

               ...this conversation is taking place.
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                          Damned if you do...

                                 VIEW

                       ...Damned if you don't!
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                          Does nature call?

                                 VIEW

                     Come on in and have a seat!
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                     COMMERCIALS THAT ADVERTISERS
                     WOULD SHOW IF ONLY THEY COULD

 AD BREAK #1
 White background. Average-looking guy walks unnoticed through a crowd
 of beautiful women. He climbs into sports car and inserts key into
 ignition. He turns the car on, revs the motor loudly and stops the
 engine. All the beautiful woman have frozen mid-step, dropping their
 bags, groceries, notepads. Their faces have gone blank, their mouths
 frozen into an "O". Mindless and bereft of all self-control, they
 line up next to the passenger door of the sports car. The first
 beautiful woman climbs into the car and proceeds to perform oral sex
 on the average-looking guy. Guy faces camera and mouths silently: "I
 love what you do for me!"
 TOYOTA LOGO
 FADE TO BLACK


 AD BREAK #2
 Shots of women with beautiful, long, flowing hair. They are running
 their fingers through it as they laugh, the hair shiny, healthy,
 glossy. They toss their heads casually, the hair bouncy, beautiful.
 These women don't know the meaning of "bad hair day". They run a comb
 through it, meeting no knots or tangles. They lie on beds, hair
 fanned out beautifully upon the pillow.
 INSERT ANY PRODUCT HERE
 Shots of women with beautiful, long, flowing hair. Repeat for 30 more
 seconds.
 FADE TO BLACK

 Advertisers know that women will buy anything if it promises to give
 them shiny, healthier hair with fuller body.


 AD BREAK #3
 Still black and white photo of Kate Moss. Banner runs continuously
 across bottom of screen:
 IF YOU WEAR ANYTHING WE SELL, KATE MOSS WILL FUCK YOU
 Shot remains still for 60 seconds. Calvin Klein logo appears.
 FADE TO BLACK


 THE AD I'D LIKE TO SEE
 A field of beautiful people, men and women, on a white background.
 All of them are attractive, petulant. All of them are teen models who
 are so thin and shallow they barely reflect light. All of them you
 hated in high school. You recognize the one you helped in that final
 math exam because you thought it would make him/her finally pay some
 attention, but minutes later in recess she doesn't even recognize
 you. All of their mouths are covered in duct tape.
 [VOICEOVER: During our February madness sale, every time you purchase
 an article of clothing from The Gap, we'll add another piece of
 tape!]
 [SFX: Cash register: KA-CHING! Duct tape ripping.]
 All of the beautiful people's eyes open wide in terror. Muffled
 screams.
 FADE TO BLACK
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                                                            _     .-. 
       John Nunley  -  jokemaster@funnybone.com            ( `. .'   )
                                                            `. `   /'
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