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|__ __| | April 16, 2008
| | | |__ ___ Wednesday
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|(,_| |___/ ISSN: 1527-6163
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| \_, T H E S U N D A Y F U N N I E S
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| | M I D W E E K E D I T I O N
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A Big Commitment... \////
|. .|
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound ( \ )
determination to become the next Charles \_-_/
Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the __/ \__
teenager over to the weightlifting department. /` ^ `\
_ ( \_' % '_/ ) _
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I [_]--' /| _|_ |\ '--[_]
promise I'll use them every day." (_\---' | -|- | '---/_)
[_] )_____( [_]
"I don't know, Michael. It's really /\ /\
a big commitment on your part," the | \_/ |
father pointed out. | | |
\ / \ /
"Please, Dad?" /-| |-\
| | | |
"They're not cheap either." \| |/
jgs / / \ \
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see." \/ \/
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed
for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What? You
mean I have to carry them to the car?!"
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Chicken Soup For The Alcoholic
Deep Thought: Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feelashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink
this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this
beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about
my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
_..--""````""--.._ The problem with some
(_ _;..--""````""--.._ people is that when
\ ```"""----"""```(_ _) they arent' drunk,
'-. .-\ ```"""----"""``` / they're sober.
`\ /` '-. .-' --William Butler Yeats
'-.__.-' `\ /`
|| '-.__.-' An intelligent man is
|| || sometimes forced to be
|| || drunk to spend time
|| || with his fools.
jgs _..--||--.._ || -- Ernest Hemingway
(_ _) _..--||--.._
```""""``` (_ _) Time is never wasted
```""""``` when you're wasted all
the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
himself a pleasure.
--Ambrose Bierce \
.\"""""""""-.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack \`\-------'`/
of alcohol. \ \__ o . /
--Anonymous \/ \ o/
\__/. /
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have \_ _/
the decency to thank her. Y
--W.C. Fields |
jgs |
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to _.-' '-._
my lunch? `---------`
--W.C. Fields
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
--Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
___
.' '. 24 hours in a day,
/ \ oOoOo 24 beers in a case.
| | ,==||||| Coincidence?
\ / _|| ||||| --Stephen Wright
'.___.' _.-'^|| |||||
__/_______.-' '==HHHHH Beer is proof that God
_.-'` / """"" loves us and wants us
.-' / oOoOo to be happy.
`-._ / ,==||||| --Benjamin Franklin
'-/._|| |||||
/ ^|| ||||| When we drink, we get drunk.
/ '==HHHHH When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
/________""""" When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
`\ `\ When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
\ `\ / Sooooo, let's all get drunk and
\ `\/ go to heaven!
/ -- Brian O'Rourke
/
jgs /_____ Why is American beer served cold?
So you can distinguish it from urine.
--David Moulton
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.
It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol
has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it makesbeer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention _|/
in the history of mankind is beer. ." ".
Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also __ /(o)-(o)\
a fine invention, but the wheel does /_)|| / |
not go nearly as well with pizza. |_)|| '- |
--Dave Barry \_)|| '.___.' / |\/|_
| / \ \_/ / _| '/
The problem with the world is that |--\ '.___.' \ ) /
everyone is a few drinks behind. \ \_/\__/\__ |==|
--Humphrey Bogart \ \ /\ /\ `\ | |
\ \\// \| |
Give me a woman who loves beer and `\ /\ | / |
I will conquer the world. jgs ; || |\____/
--Kaiser Wilhelm | || |
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
--Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's
just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
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John Nunley - jokemaster@funnybone.com ( `. .' )
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